Stop! Don’t get married! Well...at least don’t get married to the wrong person or for the wrong reasons. Have you ever wondered how some people are so lucky in love while you seem to come up short time and time again? Maybe it’s not luck. 

I can’t promise that you will find that special someone. Still, I CAN help you from getting into a bad relationship and hitting that dating dead end over and over again. If you are already in a good relationship - that is awesome, but keep reading. You might learn something to help a friend, your children, or your grandchildren someday. 

June is a month when love is in the air. It is packed with weddings and anniversaries. In fact, my husband and my anniversary is this month too! Therefore, this month makes me think of marriage and all the things that go with it. 

My own love story began 27 years ago. I had just graduated from high school, a young 17 year-old-girl, when Bryce proposed on June 30, 1994. He was much older than me - 21(ha)! We had known each other for years (he was my brother’s best friend) and started dating before my Senior year of high school. We were engaged for a year before getting married on June 17, 1995. And you know what? We never had any marriage counseling before saying, “I do.” We never had any afterward, either, for that matter. For better or for worse, we were two kids thrown into the deep end of love and marriage, forced to sink or swim! 

Fortunately for us, we both had parents with healthy marriages that we could model after. We learned to copy what worked for us and change what didn’t. But that is not the reason that our marriage has been strong and lasted for 26 years and counting. 

You could say that I was lucky. I would say luck had nothing to do with it! Let me explain. 

I had a strict list of criteria that I was unwilling to move off of, no matter how cute a guy was or what kind of car he drove. Now, I didn’t have a physical list of traits that I wanted, but I had a standard that I wasn’t willing to bend. 

I had a vision of what my husband would be like, and I wasn’t about to settle for anything less than the best!

If you are dating someone or, better yet, if you are single, use this as a helpful dating guide of sorts. 

• What do other people say about him/her?
  The thing that attracted me to my husband, above anything else, was what others said about him. It is still one of his most attractive qualities. I noticed that no one EVER had anything negative to say about him. It wasn’t like I asked people what they thought, I just observed how people talked about him, and I watched how he interacted with others. This happened WAY before we ever started dating.
  Let me be more specific. I observed that he smiled and said hello to everyone (he still does). He treated all adults in his life with respect. He was confident without being conceited or arrogant. At the dances, he would ask the girls to dance that never got asked by other guys. He was considerate, helpful, and kind. He worked hard to get good grades and was an amazing friend.
  I noticed all of those things BEFORE we ever started dating - 3 years before, to be exact. Yes, if you are doing the math, I was 14.
  Now, I dated many guys before I started dating Bryce. I’m not proud to say that I was quite the flirt and didn’t mind playing a little cat and mouse with the boys - a game that could have gotten that cute teenage girl into some trouble. Let’s just say I had angels watching over me!
  However, I compared every guy I dated to Bryce - especially to his character. If a guy acted selfishly or treated me with the slightest disrespect, I gave him a quick, SEE YA! If he didn’t have the utmost character, I wasn’t interested.
  Bottom line: Know your worth. God does not want someone in your life that doesn’t treat His child (you) like the king or queen you are. 
• Does he or she have a personal relationship with God?
  I don’t mean do they go to church. Just because someone goes to church does not mean that they have a personal relationship. Being in a church makes you a Christian as much as being in a garage makes you a car!
  Finding someone who goes to church regularly is a good thing - don’t get me wrong. If they are unwilling to go to church, you better not entertain the thought of another date. A good way to discover where they are spiritually is to ask them to tell you their salvation story - when they asked Jesus into their heart.
  This is crucial in a relationship! They need to have a strong relationship before you start dating them. Don’t buy into the lie that they will change.
  This is the number one reason my marriage has not just lasted but has been so good. We both look to Jesus to meet our needs - not each other. That isn’t to say that we don’t need to fulfill our spousal duties, but Bryce is not my source of joy - God is. Get it?
• How is their relationship with their parents or grandparents?
  If it is estranged, why? If their parents still control them or have a say in their lives, why? (unless they are under 18) Remember that you are not only in a relationship with the person you are or will date. Their family dynamics WILL directly impact you and your relationship.
• Does he/she have any addictive bad habits that you know of?
  Let’s just say that meeting someone in a bar might not be the best place to find Mr. or Mrs. Right. There are more than just alcohol addictions. How are they with money? Do they spend more than they make? The list could go on here, but hopefully, you get the point. These are all areas to give serious thought to.
• Do they want to be too physical too soon?
  This right here gets more people into more trouble. Sleeping with someone is NOT the way to find out if you are compatible. If you want to find out how serious someone is and what their character truly is, tell them they are not getting the goods till after marriage! You will find out really quickly if they respect you or want to use you for their pleasure.
  The only message that sleeping with someone quickly conveys is that you don’t value yourself. Not to mention the other implications of sexually transmitted diseases, unwanted pregnancy, and so on. I haven’t even begun talking about what it does to your soul and what the Bible says about fornication (sex outside of a husband and wife relationship). There is a reason God addresses it in the Bible, and it is for your own good and safety. 

Some Added Advice

You might be thinking, there is no way that people like this exist to fit these standards. I would argue that they certainly do exist, you just might have to change where you are looking. This leads me to the most important point of all, prayer.

Have you spent time praying for your future spouse? I don’t mean praying that you find one, but pray for that person. Pray for what they are doing right now - decisions they are making. Pray for them to have wisdom in whatever they are doing. Pray for them like they are your best friend now. Then, ask God to order each of your steps so that you will find each other when the timing is right.

You might very well need to use this time on yourself - getting yourself where you should be before concerning yourself with someone else. Another person will not fix your problems - only God can do that.

Then, after you have been dating someone, pray that if they are the right one, you will grow closer together, and if they are not the one, you will find being around them irritating. Trust me, this works! It is the safest and best way to figure out if you are compatible - if they are THE ONE for you.

Here is a recap:

• How is their character? What do others say about them?
• Do they have a personal relationship with God?
• How are their relationships with their family?
• Do they have any addictive habits?
• Do they want to be too physical too soon?

Then, take God on the journey with you. I like how the Good News Bible states one of my favorite verses, “I alone know the plans I have for you, plans to bring you prosperity and not disaster, plans to bring about the future you hope for.”

God is faithful to bring about the best future for you. Trust that He has the right person for you at the right time.

Let go and Let God!