This is an exciting week for the Schaffer family. Our oldest son will be getting married on Saturday, and we couldn’t be more thrilled. Due to Covid, wedding attendance has been reduced to an intimate gathering of family and a few friends. 

I actually love that the focus of this day is about the couple and their new marriage and not the wedding itself. More than that, I am so thankful that the true focus on their wedding day and their marriage is God. 

We have always taught our children that the choice of who they marry is probably THE most important decision they will ever make, second to making Jesus the Lord of their life. The person you marry will have an impact on every area of your life - whether you realize it or not. 

The term “soul-mate” is a true description of what happens between a husband and wife when they enter the covenant of marriage. They are bound together with their spirits, souls, and bodies. The soul tie, however, is unique in a marriage like no other relationship you will find. 

Your soul contains your mind, will, and emotions. Therefore your “soul-mate” also affects your mind, will, and emotions. Your spouse can literally help make you or break you. 

As 3 John 2 says, I pray that you may prosper in all things and be in health, just as your soul prospers. This verse rings true for marriage as well. You will personally be as healthy as your “soul-mate” is healthy. Your marriage will only be as healthy and prosperous as each of you individually are healthy and prosperous. 

So, here is my advice to my son Ethan and his beautiful bride, Lillian (and all married couples, for that matter), on how to have a healthy marriage.

1. Nurture each other. Always find ways to build each other up. A positive word of affirmation from the one you love is so important. Be free with compliments and restrictive with criticisms. 
2. Keep good communication. Good communication is more than talking, you need to also learn how your spouse receives love - speak your spouse’s “love language.” 
3. Keep your spouse’s “love bank” full. When a couple is dating, they usually give more compliments to each other, flirt, do special things that make the other happy (just because),  date, etc. As a marriage progresses, life seems to get in the way of making those frequent “love bank” deposits. Jobs, kids, bills, and life start making more withdrawals from the bank. If a couple is not careful, they will become bankrupt in their “love bank.” 
4. Never stop having fun together. Continue to be playful and enjoy each other’s company. Find activities that you enjoy doing together. 
5. Build a household of faith. Keep God the foundation of your marriage and family. Pray together, seek God’s direction for your family together, worship together, and study the Word of God together. There is nothing better than growing up spiritually alongside one another. Through all of life’s ups and downs, keep Christ at the center, and your marriage will not fail.